A safe space to talk about sex
The indomitable Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng, affectionately known as Dr T is passionate about making sexual health and well-being services available to all regardless of their sexual and gender identities, or their economic status.
Her book, A Guide To Sexual Health & Pleasure, effortlessly positions itself as an essential read for all who want to explore their sexual health and pleasure. This book is one of the most valuable and timeless contributions. An easy, accessible and detailed guide to sexual health and pleasure.
It is filled with the specifics of sexual anatomy, health, advice, and facts about pleasure and sexual rights. And when the book was released, I knew it would be an important read and so much more.
This is not a ‘how-to-have-sex’ manual but rather, a guide on how to navigate around issues of sexuality. It’s a guide specifically because she covers a range of issues from medical conditions in the first chapter of the book, and how chronic illnesses affect one’s sexuality.
Layered in three sections, the book is not to be read like a novel. Tlaleng provides a variety of topics that one may resonate with. And a few that stuck with me were topics explored in Section One under Physiology where she talks extensively about the clitoris.
She details how it is one of the most magnificent parts of the woman’s body. She lets us in on what exactly happens when a woman becomes aroused – that the blood vessels become engorged due to both pressure and touch sensitivity of the nerves. She further reminds us how important it is to know that our sexual well-being and pleasure is linked to our emotional, psychological and physical health.
Another topic I am thankful she covers is Painful Sex, which I never knew was a classification of sexual dysfunction. I am thankful she covers this because painful sex is not something we quite talk about openly with our friends, or people close to us. She reckons there are many reasons why sex can be painful, and as a medic, pain is what she is taught to treat so one will find a lot more literature about pain than they would about other sexual health-related issues.
According to her, the medical term for painful sex is dyspareunia and it can occur as a result of physical and psychological problems that lead to recurrent, and in some cases, persistent pain. Symptoms may include pain only by penetration, either by finger, tampon, sex toy or penis, as well as pain during oral sex and especially during genital stimulation.
With so much more covered, Tlaleng provides all the information that demystifies sex and sexuality in a way that is entertaining and enlightening.
This read will have your questions answered before you even ask them. It propels you to think about sex differently, and most importantly, to be open about it.
I hope with it, we in our societies, normalise healthy sexual behaviour, healthy sexual identity and self-esteem that is not tied to what you do to other people with sex, but more with our inner self-development, identity, and affirmation of our own rights first. Respect yourself first. Respect the next person. Because without consent, and respect for the next person’s body, there is no pleasure. Most importantly, may we holistically own our sexualities.
I hope the book is a safe space for you, as it’s been for me and will always be.
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